Safe Mates is a new concept that involves looking out for the safety of your mates. A Safe Mate will be there if anything unexpected happens or take responsibility if required to ensure the safety of their mates. With a Safe Mate around the other mates can rely on them. Ask yourself: what would a safe mate do?
An example of where Safe Mates can be applied is at parties. If there are a group of 5 mates flatting together and each of them takes a turn to be the nominated Safe Mate, then they spend 20% of the time looking out for their mates. The other 80% of the time they can enjoy the party to the full. This increases the amount of fun at parties with the reassurance that a Safe Mate is always there to look out for you.
Two scenarios of what a Safe Mate would do at a party are provided as follows:
Party night at another flat
Let’s look at the case where you and your flatmates are out to someone else’s flat party for the night. Ask yourself: what would a Safe Mate do? A Safe Mate will do the following:
- Be the sober mate for the night
The sober mate is the person who can safely drive their mates to the party and from the party at the end of the night. At the party they only have non-alcoholic drinks. It can be tempting to have one drink and then one more, and before you know it you are over the limit. Stay sober for your mates. They are relying on you to look out for them and to get home later on.
- Look out for your mates at the party
At the party you keep an eye on your mates and make sure that everything is fine for them. After they have had a few drinks it is you who is there to make sure that all of your mates are okay. If anyone is sick or there is anything else of concern, then you have the power to step in to take control of the situation.
- Stop someone from drinking if they have clearly had too much
If your mate has clearly had too much and he is not in a good state then stop them from drinking, sit them down, take the alcohol away, and replace it with water. If they need to go to the bathroom, and are unable to make it there themselves, then it is you who will help them get there. If they are going to vomit, then you have a bucket waiting, or get them to an area where they can throw up freely.
- Take action if someone is seriously intoxicated
How about the mate who takes it past what is already considered too far? Your mate is in such a state that he has ended up lying on the ground, appears semi-conscious, and is also vomiting. If you know first aid then take action, otherwise find someone around who can assist. If there is any doubt then call for help or even consider calling the ambulance. This is not to say it will happen, you just need to consider this in case it happens, as it sometimes does when people push it too far.
- Prepare your mates to leave the party at the end of the night
When it is close to the time to leave, it is the time to make sure that all of your mates are fine, and that they are ready for the trip back to the flat. This may involve suggesting that they drink some water and check that they are not going to vomit in your car on the way back. It may be a good idea to have a container already in the car in case this is a potential issue. It is better that it goes in the container, or outside the car if you stop in time, instead of inside the car.
- Offer water to your mates and sort them for sleep
When you get back to the flat, your flatmates will be almost fine to go to bed. There is one more step before they do so. To make any potential hangover better it is a good idea to drink a glass or two of water before going to bed. They may refuse to drink it, but insist on them drinking it anyway. If anyone is sick then make sure that they stop vomiting before getting into bed or have been to the bathroom if that is needed. If they are quite drunk then it will be appreciated if they do so before bed so that there is not as much of an urgency to get up later.
- Check on your mates during the night
When you next wake up, check that your mates are all fine. If and when everything is fine, you can go back to sleep.
- Cook breakfast and treat your mates’ hangovers
In the morning your mission is to find food to treat your mates’ hangovers. Something good such as pancakes should be on the menu and you are the chef for this morning. You may have even planned ahead to make sure that everything you need is there to make breakfast. Nevertheless, your flatmates are each at their own level of being hungover and may not be in a state to cook anything. Take it to them if required, and serve it with something to drink that could be water, or a glass of something else that is unlikely to be thrown up.
- Sort out your mates in the morning
The next thing is to help them out of bed, get them to a hot shower and anything else that needs attending to. After they are at least out of bed, fed and sorted, your mission is complete.
- Sign off as a Safe Mate
You have been the Safe Mate for the party night at another flat, and covered for your own mates until the morning. Your mates have had a great time and you have helped it happen. What a great thing you have done as a Safe Mate. Well done.
Party night at our flat
Let’s look at the case where your flat is hosting a party. Ask yourself: what would a Safe Mate do?
A Safe Mate will do the following:
- Be the nominated sober host for the party
At least one of you or your flatmates is the nominated sober host for the party. You are allowed to take control of the evening, selecting the music playlist, making sure that your mates have drink and food to keep them happy, and anything else that you think is important as part of being the nominated sober host.
- Sort out dinner for your flatmates and other mates
As part of the host flat, you and your flatmates are in charge of sorting out dinner. This does not mean that you have to cook everything and buy everything. It more means that you get to decide the format. A good suggestion is BYO. If your mates are well fed in the early part of the evening then it will set them up well for a night of drinking and partying.
- Offer a place to stay at your flat
In the early part of the evening make sure that your mates know that if they need a place to stay for the night that they can sleep (crash) here. If you work out early where some people can sleep then it will make things easier later on.
- Check the plans of your mates
Check with your mates if they either have a plan to get home or are definitely planning to stay at your flat tonight. If you know of anyone who could potentially risk it by driving drunk then ask for their keys and put them together with any other items stored ‘safely’ for the night. Once you have talked briefly with everyone you will know: who is fine to get home, who is staying at yours, and the mates in-between.
- Look out for your mates at the party
At your party you keep an eye on your mates and make sure that everything is fine for them. After they have had a few drinks it is you who is there to make sure that all of your mates are okay and everything is fine. If anyone is sick or there is anything else of concern, then you have the power to step in to take control of the situation.
- Stop your mates from drinking if they have clearly had too much
As the host you can choose to advise your mates to stop drinking. Offer your mate some water while you ‘find’ the next beer in the garage. What this does is allows them time to drink the water instead of starting straight into the next beer. It will also help your mate later as they will not be so dehydrated.
- Sort out a mate who is vomiting
If one of your mates is vomiting then you need to step in to stop them drinking, get them somewhere they can freely vomit, and then have water ready for them to drink. If they are already vomiting then there drinking night is already finished anyway as they are probably not able to keep down another beer. At this point you can give them small amounts of water and keep going until they at least drink at least a glass or two. Keep them comfortable and make sure that there is nothing worse going on. This is a normal thing, they have pushed it too far, and now it is a misery for them. You have to learn the hard way at least once or twice.
- Take action if someone is seriously intoxicated
How about the mate who takes it past what is already considered too far? Your mate is in such a state that he has ended up lying on the ground, appears semi-conscious, and is also vomiting. If you know first aid then take action, otherwise find someone around who can help. If there is any doubt then call for help or even consider calling the ambulance. This is not to say it will happen, you just need to consider this in case it happens, as it sometimes does when people push it too far. As it is your party, you need to take control of the actions to make sure that no one is in serious harm.
- At the end of the night sort out your mates
Towards the end of the evening your mates are starting to wind up their drinking, thinking about how to get home, or where to sleep (crash) at your place. This is an important point of the evening where you must be strong with people and make sure that they do not try to drive drunk or cause any other fuss that could be unsafe. Check that the ones who said they would stay sober are, and the ones who said they weren’t sure, check that they are not skiving off either. Remember it is about making sure that they are safe, it may be necessary to be unreasonable, as alcohol puts you in a state where unreasonable decisions can be made.
- Stop anyone from driving home drunk
If you know for sure that one of your friends is heading for their car to drive, and they are clearly drunk, then you need to stop them from leaving. Offer them other options that may be taking a taxi, calling someone not at the party to pick them up, or offer them a place to sleep for the night. The last one is the option that really makes a difference as they then can stay where they are and not have to plan anything further. That is instead up to you, find a space for them to sleep, get a blanket, and you are done. They are all sorted for the night and you have stopped anything bad from happening.
- Consider helping a mate home or telling a mate to leave
If you are concerned about letting anyone stay at your place for the night then that is also something to consider. Maybe one of your mates has got themselves really sick, and it would be best if they made it home to their own bed. Or maybe one of your mates has become particularly violent. As this sort of thing typically happens only once in a while, you should consider making special arrangements. Plan how your mate will get home yourself, or get someone else to take control of your violent mate. Do not take it personally, it is the alcohol that is causing them to be that way.
- Offer water to your mates and sort them for sleep
Offer water to your mates who are staying the night and leave it with them, come back and fill the glass up once more. It is for their own good. It will not cure the hangover, it will just help to rehydrate them partially before going to sleep. At this point also check if anyone needs help with getting to the bathroom. It will be much more comfortable for them and they will not have so much of an urgency to get up later on. Most people should be fine, it may apply to one or two. It also avoids any potential ‘situations’ down the track.
- Check that the house is secure before going to bed yourself
When all of your flatmates and your guests are sorted, go round and make a final check that nothing else needs to be done. This could include checking that the house is all locked up, or making sure that there are no hazards created by broken glass or other items. If any of your mates request something then help them out. It is better that they are focussed on sleeping than whatever it is that is keeping them from doing so. Also tell your mates that it is fine to wake you if anything is up. When that is done, you can get off to sleep.
- Check on your mates during the night
When you next wake up, go around and make sure that everything is all fine. If you get woken up unexpectedly, or someone wakes you especially, sort out whatever the situation is. Once this is sorted, you can go back to sleep.
- Cook breakfast and treat your mates’ hangovers
In the morning your mission is to find food to treat your mates’ hangovers. Something good such as pancakes should be on the menu and you are the chef for this morning. With your flatmates and additional people it may not be possible to cook a full breakfast for everyone. You may have even planned ahead and have more people than expected. That is okay, at least put together what you have, make sure everyone gets at least something.
- Sort out your mates before they leave in the morning
It is time to get your mates up and make sure that they are fine to leave. Most of your mates will be fine to go as they have slept, and had some food and water. Give back any of the keys to your mates that were in safe keeping overnight.
- Allow mates that are very hungover to stay for longer
For those who are very hungover, more help will be required to get them sorted. You maybe wanting everyone to be out of the flat, although, as the nominated safe host it is you who has to accept the situation. For your mate’s sake, it is a good idea to let them rest longer. Give them any help that they require such as drinking some water or getting to the bathroom. They may also not be completely ready to drive home and an extra couple of hours makes it safer for them to get home.
- Sign off as a Safe Mate
When all of your mates have left (and be willing to put up with one or two late leavers) then your mission is complete. You have been the safe mate host for the party night at your flat, taken control of the evening (including having fun yourself), and made sure that all of your mates were fine through until the next morning. Your hosting skills meant that your mates had a great time and is largely due to you. What a great thing you have done as a Safe Mate. Well done.
